Just a Dream
by Ecosphere
Summary: I just can't sleep. Every dream seems to be plagued by her. But unfortunately, my dreams are much better than reality. (Mitchsen) Wattpad: Scissorhappy
1. Chapter 1

_AUTHORS NOTE: HEY Everyone, I hope you enjoy my new story. This is not based off of the song Just A Dream, I just used the title. This is a Mitchsen fan fiction. AND I WOULD JUST LIKE TO APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR THIS BEING SUCH A SHORT FIRST CHAPTER. I hope you enjoy._

 _P.S The parts in italics are the dreams and the parts in BOLD are triggering._

 **(BECA'S P.O.V)**

 _I let out a content sigh, as I cuddled into my girlfriend. I would never admit this to anyone else, but I loved cuddling. I gently rested my head onto her chest as she wrapped her arms around me pulling me closer._

 _I looked up at her from my position and she smiled. The way she was looking at me made me melt into her. She looked at me with such love in her eyes._

 _Like I was the only one._

 _I slowly moved myself up and gave her a light kiss on the lips. God, it felt so good to kiss her. Her lips gently brushed against mine making me feel weak at the knees. Thank goodness I was laying down or I would have been a pile of mush._

 _She gently pulled away and kissed my forehead. "I love you Beca."_

 _Just way she said that made me swoon. Her voice was filled with love._

 _"I love you too Aubrey" I leaned up and gave her a kiss on the cheek and rested my head on her chest again._

 _I felt her hands slowly go under my shirt and she began tracing patterns on my back. Her touch making me shudder._

 _I felt my eye lids growing heavier. I couldn't help but almost fall asleep. Laying here with Aubrey was so comfortable and you couldn't help but just melt into her touch._

 _"Go ahead Beca, just fall asleep. I tell that you're tired."_

 _After hearing her say that I just snuggled in closer to her, breathing in her scent._

 _I was almost asleep again_ but suddenly there was this loud burst of music and I immediately woke up.

I looked around my bed to see if Aubrey was there and she wasn't. I was alone in my dorm room.

It had all been just a dream.

That's all they ever where and ever will be.

Aubrey is captain of the Bella's and a good friend of mine. But that is all that we will be. Nothing more.

She doesn't see me the way I see her. She doesn't have the same feelings that I do.

I know I should just except the fact that Aubrey and I will never be. But I can't. It also doesn't help that I keep having theses dreams about her every time I fall asleep.

The dreams are usually about Aubrey and I getting together or is being on a date.

And for some reason, when I wake up, I feel a little bit of hope inside me that when I open my eyes or turn around, she will be there.

But she never is.

To say that all of this hurts, is an understatement.

These dreams I have about us together are having a strong impact on my life. Recently I have started to develop some very unhealthy habits.

I haven't been able to eat or sleep lately, which results in me staying up and thinking. But to much thinking leads to overthinking and that is where all of my insecurities come out. I suddenly begin to feel worthless and that I don't mean anything to anyone. Sometimes I would either just lay there and cry, or I would go to the shower and well... you know, I would cut.

I know that this is all really bad for me. I have definitely lost weight. I am starting to develop dark bags under my eyes. And I have way to many scars on my wrist.

But do you know what made this whole thing hurt a lot more?

No one noticed. No one noticed my mood change, no one noticed my physical appearance. Why I always this bad looking? Did I always act this depressed?

I had no idea. I had began to distance my self from the Bella's so I couldn't talk to anyone anyways.

But this while situation sucked.

And it's all just because of these stupid dreams.

I looked down at my phone to see what time it was and it was about 2:38 p.m. About 22 minutes until the Bella's practice.

I got ready and left for practice. I was hoping that in the walk over I would just forget about the dream and my feelings for Aubrey, and that everything between us would be normal.

But of course, that was not the case.


	2. Chapter 2

**AUTHORS NOTE: HEY Everyone, I hope you enjoy my new story. I am sorry for not updating in a while, I completely forgot that I wrote this story. This is not based off of the song Just A Dream, I just used the title. This is a Mitchsen fan fiction.**

 **P.S The parts in** ** _italics_** **are the dreams (and also the Flashbacks in this chapter) and the parts in BOLD are triggering.**

 **(BECA'S P.O.V)**

I had never hated practicing with the Bellas so much. Well it wasn't the Bellas I hated, it was Aubrey.

Not that I hate Aubrey... God! I hate feelings, they're to confusing.

I was back in my dorm trying to work on mix that I had come up with, but I wasn't focused on it. I kept thinking back to practice, and what had happened between Aubrey and I.

 _(Flash Back) **NO ONE'S P.O.V**_

 _"TURN IT AROUND" All the Bellas sing._

 _"I should have taken that cardio tip more seriously." Say's Fat Amy after we finished practicing our set._

 _"How much have you done?" I hear Aubrey ask._

 _"You just saw it."_

 _Than Aubrey turns to look at Chloe "Chloe, you gotta be able to hit that last note"_

 _"I can't. It's impossible. And it's because of my nodes." Than all the Bellas say "Her nodes. Her nodes."_

 _"Well if you can't do it, then someone else needs to solo."_

 _"I think Beca should take my solo."_

 _But before Aubrey could say something Fat Amy cuts in and say's "Yeah Beca would be excellent. But also someone else might be equally as excellent. And they might be shy and not wanna come forward and say they wanted a solo." she says making a gesture towards herself._

 _"Well Beca doesn't want a solo, so-" Aubrey's says but is cut off by Beca saying "I would be happy to do it if I got to pick a new song and do an arrangement."_

 _"Well that's not how we run things here."_

 _Than Chloe cuts in saying "Aubrey, maybe Beca has a point. Maybe we could try something new."_

 _"Aca-scuse me? You can sing Turn the Beat Around and that's the last I wanna hear of this."_

 _"That song is tired." Beca say's slowly walking up towards Aubrey. "We're not gonna win with it. If we pull samples from different genres and layer them together, we could make some-"_

 _"Okay let me explain something to you because you still don't seem to get it." Aubrey say's cutting off Beca and is clearly annoyed. "Our goal is to get back to the finals and these songs will get us there. So, excuse me if I don't take advice from some alt-girl with her mad-lib beats because she's never been in a competition. Have I made myself clear?"_

 _"Crystal. I won't solo." Beca say's backing up._

 _"Fine. Fat Amy?"_

 _"Yes, sir?" Fat Amy say's._

 _"You'll solo."_

 _"Yes! Yes." Than draws heart shape on her t-shirt._

 _After Bella's practice is over, all the others leave except Beca and Aubrey._

 _"Aubrey?"_

 _"Yes Beca? If this is about us singing Turn the Beat Around than..." Aubrey say's trailing off._

 _"But I'm just saying that if we-" Beca starts to say but is cut off by Aubrey. "Okay, I thought I made my self clear back are singing Turn the Beat Around and that's final."_

 _"But were not gonna win with it. If you want to get back into the finals than we should-"_

 _"Beca, why do you keep insisting we use a different songs? We are sticking these, and that's the last I want to hear about it okay."_

 _Beca just shook her head yes._

 _"And you know, you should be very thankful that you are even still in the Bellas. If it weren't for Chloe, you would have already been kicked out of the Bellas." I was about tot ask her why, but she cut me off answering it. "I know about you and Jesse, Beca. Don't even try and deny your toner for him."_

 _I was going to speak up and say something but she cut me off again."So incase you haven't taken notice to anything, I don't like you Beca. I'm sorry for being so straight forward, but I couldn't honestly care less about you, so what make you think that I am going to take on of your suggestion into consideration?" Aubrey said being very straight forward._

 _(End Of Flashback) **BECA'S P.O.V**_

Hearing that Aubrey doesn't like me was like a punch in the face back to reality. It was just another reminder that Aubrey and I will never be.

I hate that I feel this way towards her. why couldn't it be towards someone else that I actually have a shot with. But of course, thats not how love works, you always fall for the person who you can never have.

I feel emotionally exhausted. All I want to do is just fall asleep, but I know I can't. Because if I do I'll see her.

And that just hurts to much. It seems as if every time I fall asleep she is there. But in my dreams she is different.

In my dreams the feelings our mutual and we are together. She cares about me and likes to spend time with me instead of being forced to.

I mean, it's not that I hate the dreams but it's just that they hurt to much.

 **++ (Night of Regionals)++**

"In second place, and advancing to this years' semi finals, the Barden Bellas." I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard the man up on stage announce that we would be moving on top the semi finals. I was had mixed feelings about moving onto the semi-finals, but at least it meant I would get to spend more time with Aubrey.

When we walked out of the auditorium of were the regionals were being held we found some old dudes fighting with the trebles. I had no idea what possessed me to do this but I walked over that way and punch the main right in the face.

I obviously wasn't thinking when I didn't because my hand hurt so much after words. I saw Fat Amy coming over and grabbed the trophy from Jesse and her saying something like "Give me the sharp weapon, I wanna put it up his butt!" Than she let go of it and it went flying through the glass shattering it. And with my luck there just so happened to be a police man waiting outside.

Later on that I was walking back to my dorm, I couldn't wait just to get in there and work on another mix. As I opened up the door to my dorm I saw all the Bellas sitting in there. They asked me about prison but than I heard Aubrey say something about an emergency Bellas meeting causing someone to groan.

I tried offering for use to use on of our mixes but than again, Aubrey stopped me by saying "Okay, I have the pitch pipe, and I say that we focus on the set list as planned. From now on, there will be no more wasting time with work or school or boyfriends or partners. Sorry, Cynthia Rose."

Than Chloe said trying to defend me by saying "But Aubrey, this stuff is pretty cool. I mean-"

"Okay rehearsal tomorrow. 8:00am sharp." Shortly after Aubrey had said that, all the Bellas began to move out of my dorm. And just Aubrey was about to leave, just paused for a minute and walked back in shutting the door.

I was kinda hoping that she would leave soon and wouldn't stay long, because as much as I like Aubrey, it's really hard talking to her.

"Umm...Beca?"

"Yeah?"

"I just um.. wanted to apologize for what I had said a couple of weeks ago, it was out of line and IU didn't mean any of it. I actually do like y-"

"No Aubrey it's fine, really. You don't have to apologize."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, everything fine."

She just shook her head and started towards the door but stop just before opening it. "Also Beca, I know we aren't like the best of friends or 'close', but if you ever needed anyone to talk to, you could talk to me."

I had to take a second before composing my self. The way she said that, sounding so sincere, it sent a small shiver down my spine. For a second, it felt as if she cared about me. I mean I know she cares about, she cares about all the Bellas, but just like a little bit more than anyone else.

"Oh, thanks Aubrey but everything is fine, I don't ne-"

"Beca, don't think that I don't notice how much you changed over the past few weeks. You aren't as focused and have been more forgetful. And I can tell you're wearing more make-up under your eyes."

I was taken back by her sudden outburst. I didn't know she paid that much attention to me. "Oh well, I just haven't been sleeping well lately." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth either. "I'll umm.. try and get some sleeping tonight though."

"Okay, well I just wanted to make sure everything was okay." Than she walked over to me and gave me a hug. I was very shocked at this, but I decided to soak it in realizing that this might be the only hug I may ever get from her. I wrapped my arms loosely around her waist and put my head in the croak of her neck, breathing her in.

The hug only lasted about 4, but it felt much longer than that. "I-I'm sorry about that. It's just before bed, Chloe always gives me a hug saying it will help you sleep better."

I was having trouble forming words at the moment so I just shook my head.

"Alright, well see you tomorrow Beca." She said leaving my dorm.

"B-Bye" was all I could manage to get out.

I was almost asleep. No matter how hard I tried to stay awake, I just couldn't do it. I kept slowly dosing off before I would wake my self back up again. It was 4:30 a.m which meant I only had three and a half hours till Bellas practice. I just needed to stay awake until than.

I was working on a mix, but I was putting my full attention into it. I kept thinking back to Aubrey and I's conversation earlier. It felt so nice to hug her, god, I would do anything to hug her again.

 **I slowly walked over to underneath my bed were I kept a box razor, I knew I shouldn't do this but if it helps me stay awake than it doesn't matter if it's harmful. I took the blade out and slowly began to cut across my wrist hoping to increase my heart rate to stay awake. It wasn't working I kept feeling sleepier and sleepier. So I cut again, I kept doing it until I realized that if I didn't stop soon I could lose to much blood.**

I pulled out a black t-shirt that I had and put it across my writs to stop the bleeding. Unfortunately it didn't help me and I just felt even more tired. Well, it was a form of release so I did in a way.

Eventually I couldn't stay awake anymore and just gave in. I laid down onto my bed and just fell asleep, leading me to another dream with Aubrey in it.

 **AUTHORS NOTE: I** ** _WILL_** **update this tomorrow. I promise, I will never go that long with out updating a story again.**


	3. Chapter 3

**AUTHORS NOTE: I am sorry I didn't update the day after, my basketball tournament schedule was longer than I excepted. But here is a new chapter, I hope you enjoy.**

 **P.S The parts in italics are the dreams and the parts in BOLD are triggering.**

 **(BECA'S P.O.V)**

 _"I didn't mean those things I said at practice, you know that right?" Aubrey said while wrapping her arms around me pulling us closer together. "I really do like you Beca."_

 _For a second, I just let myself go. I let myself relax into her embrace and bury my head into her neck. I brought her closer to me, just breathing her in. I pretended that everything she was saying was in the way I wanted to mean. And I let myself believe it._

 _I knew that I was giving myself false hope that she might feel the same, but I was just taking in the moment. Believing that the girl in my arms was my girlfriend and we were happy together._

 _Than I felt her begin to pull away, suddenly snapping me back into reality. I moved back detaching myself from her and putting my head down, not being able to look her in the eyes yet._

 _"Beca" I heard her whisper my name, but I didn't look at her just yet. "Beca, please look at me." I couldn't do it, it would have been to painful._

 _I kept my gaze on the ground. "Beca, please?" I began slowly moving my head, looking her in the eye._

 _God I want to kiss her so bad right now. I kept looking into her eye's only allowing myself to look down at her lips for a second. I noticed that she had done the same._

 _We slowly began moving closer towards each other, not breaking eye contact, till lips were only inches away from each others._

 _I felt her breath on my lips. I closed my eyes soaking in the feeling of being this close top her. I slowly whispered her name in a very breathy voice. She said my name in return._

 _Her nose brushed up against mine and I could feel my breath hitch. I wasn't used to being this close to her. I liked my lips, and opened my eyes only to find hers closed as well._

 _I shut them again and began to lean forward to kiss her, but was met half way by her lips._

 _Our lips brushed against each other ever so lightly, it felt as if they weren't even there. It slowly began to build up. Her lips were so soft and gentle._

 _I moved my body closer to hers, wrapping my arms around her neck. I could feel her move closer to bring her hands up to cup my face._

 _We kept this going for a while before both of us need air and broke apart. We kept close to each other though, both of our eyes still closed and chest heaving trying to catch our breath form the kiss we had just shared._

 _It was quite for a while, neither of us saying anything. Than eventually her voice broke the silence. "Are you tired?"_

 _"What?"_

 _"I said are you tired? You had told me you hadn't been sleeping well, and I just thought maybe we could lay down together."_

 _I opened my eyes to find her's already open. "Sure."_

 _With that she pulled away from me grabbing my hand and dragging me towards my bed. We both laid down together on it, tangling ourselves together._

 _I had my head resting in the crook of her neck and my arms wrapped around her waist pulling us closer._

 _We laid there for a while like this, eventually I felt a sense of drowsiness rise over me and it became harder to keep my eye open. I felt Aubrey stroke up and down my hair, running her fingers through it._

 _Just as I was about to fall asleep I heard Aubrey whisper into my ear "I love you Beca."_

 **(Mean while at Bellas practice) *NO ONES P.O.V***

"Where is Beca? Has anyone heard from her this morning?" Aubrey said pacing around practice room. "She is 30 minutes late."

"Aubrey, just give her sometime. She will show up." Chloe said assuring Aubrey.

But she never did. The whole practice Aubrey had been waiting for her to walk through those doors. Aubrey decided to take it upon herself to go see if everything was okay with Beca.

"Hey Chloe, could you go lock up?" Aubrey asked.

"Sure. But why are you in such a hurry to get out of here?"

"I am going to go see Beca, to make sure everything is okay and to see why a she didn't show up to practice." Upon hearing that a smile spread across Chloe face.

She had known that Aubrey had been crushing on Beca almost this whole year. "Is that all you're gonna do?"

"Yes Chloe, that's all." Aubrey said with small bit of annoyance in her voice.

"You know Aubrey, I really think that you should tell her." Said Chloe.

"But how do I know she will feel the same?"

"I don't know, but trust me Aubrey, you're ruining this for your self. You never know, the feelings might be mutual."

"Maybe some other time I'll tell her. But not today okay."

Chloe just nodded her head and watch Aubrey leave to go to Beca's dorm.

"Beca?" Aubrey said while knocking on her door. "Hello?"

She looked down at the door knob, wondering if she should just go in. Maybe Beca was working on a mix and she had her headphones in and couldn't hear her.

She thought for about another minute before she decided to go in. She twisted the door knob to find it unlocked and slowly opened the door calling out her name again.

Aubrey looked around the dorm room but couldn't really see in because of dark it was. She was just about to leave when she saw the sheets on the bed move. She looked closer and found that Beca was sleeping.

Letting herself in, she walked over towards the bed sitting down on it. For a second she just sat there looking at Beca admiring her features. She couldn't help nut notice how cute the brunette looked when she slept. Her chest slowly rising up and down, her hair spilled across the pillow and her mouth slightly agape.

She put her hand on Beca's shoulder shaking it slightly calling out her name "Beca?".

But she didn't wake up, Aubrey tried again but still Beca continued to sleep. She wondered if she should just go, she was just about to stand up when she saw Beca move in the sheets again. She looked at her again but noticed she was still asleep. She stood up and walked over towards the door and was just about to leave when she heard Beca mumble her name.


End file.
